To the moon, Alice!

A short collection of some recent Alice funnies.

Alice decided recently that she wants to be an astronaut when she grows up. "I'm going to fly to the MOON!" she declared.

"Cool!" I said, "And what will you do when you get to the moon?"

"I'm going to bring home some Martians to be my friends." she replied.

"Hmm, don't Martians come from Mars though, Alice?" I asked.

Alice makes a dramatic pause, a sharp turn to face me, rolls her eyes and says, "Whatever, mommy... whatever."

Oops.

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Alice and Jack were taking a bath together one day. Alice looked at him and said, "Poor Jack...".

"Why is he 'poor Jack'?" I asked.

She pointed to his groin and said, "Because he has a penis!".

"So?" I questioned.

"So..", she said, "... if you have a penis, it means you're a boy, and that's too bad. Girls get things like toys and money because we have ja-jinas! It's better to be a girl!"

I didn't know whether to bust a gut laughing, or be scared.

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"Cows don't pee you know mommy...", Alice said one day. "Yes they do." I replied.

"No, they just spray milk out of their little antennaes here", she said matter of factly, pointing to a cow's udders.

"Those aren't antennae Alice. Those are called 'udders'.", I explained.

"Yes, mommy. They are 'udder antennaes' because they are udder the cow."

Oye.

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Alice: "Mommy... remember when Jack was still in your tummy?"

Me: "Yup."

Alice: "And I was here."

Me: "Yup. That's right. You were already born."

Alice stares at me for a minute.

Alice: "Mommy, I want to go back in your tummy."

Me: "Why?"

Alice: "Because I want to see all the food in there! That would be so cool!"

Hey, that one could have been worse. Phew.